Jesus Returns! UPDATE

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

Well, kinda sorta. This is a scene that has hit the editing room floor. I'll explain later.

Act 13: Jesus Volunteers For Hooker Outreach Program

Jesus: See? You're not the only ones who've been beaten about by a bunch of rich old blind men. Can we have those biscuits and tea now? You always have the BEST biscuits.

Act 14: Jesus Is Asked to Volunteer Elsewhere

Hooker Outreach Program Worker: ". . . maybe go into the film and entertainment industry."

Jesus: Oh God.

[holden]

Well, kinda sorta. This is a scene that has hit the editing room floor. I'll explain later.




I'm hoping like heck these are stage directions or film dialog. Do explain, or my old complaint holds - why posted in "craft" jOHN?

Then again, one could say all your postings are "creative writing" of a sort...in which case, never mind!

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

I'm hoping like heck these are stage directions or film dialog. Do explain, or my old complaint holds - why posted in "craft" jOHN?



Yes, I'm writing a stage play. Thank god you got something right.

Funny thing happened the other day when speaking to a certain artist. Conversation when like this:

(?): Really? You'd write that?

j: Oh hell yeah, I'd just lay back and let it write itself on out.

(?): But I wanted to be the one who writes you.

j: Oh no, no, no. You're a decrepit old man, I'll do the writing here. Then maybe you'll have a heart attack and I can take some of your memorabilia home.

(?) I guess that's kinda sweet. Which would be your favorite memorabilia?

j: Which ever gets the most on eBay, of course. WTF? What are you drinking tonight?

[holden]

...pretty much what i expected.
Keep trying to write that first coherent post.

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

dit-toe!

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

NEW UPDATE!!!!

O.K., "they" are pressing me to re-title to: Powder Returns: With Attitude.

I threw my Quid Pro Quo Moment with, "If we're gonna re-title this flick with Powder in place of Jesus it will read: Powder Returns: And After 6 Years of Bullshit, Everyone Suddenly Understands His "Fuck All Ya'all Attitute.

They said NO.

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

Yeah.

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

yeah, yeah.

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

Act 15: Jesus volunteers for suicide prevention center.

Jesus: I’m totally serious. I care about you so much. If you were to die tomorrow, I bet I’d commit suicide the next day.

Sinner #390,483,904,803,948.5: NO you would not!

Jesus: Nah, probably not, but you know it’s the thought that counts.



And I’m(jOHN) not promoting suicide in anyway. Come on look at me, people are going to wonder(for real) about this shit forever.

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

Act 16: Jesus says the "F" word.

[Dunwho]

Act 16: Jesus says the "F" word.

ha love it..

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

Man, this place has gone to hell in a hand basket. Wonder why? Anyways, this is just a snippet from a rough draft and there’s apparently some “problem” with the language.


ACT 18 - Jesus is questioned about the past and loses he calm tone for just a few seconds.

“Did you or did you not ask a Misses Mary Magdeline to marry you and did you have any sexual relations with her?”

Jesus - “I don’t remember, that shit happened a long time ago!”


This movie's never gonna get made...

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

BRILLIANT SHOW PLANNED FOR SUNDAY

[stimpee]

jesus was gay anyway http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8523538.stm

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

Ya know, I've been wanting to post about this only to point out that I've heard this same statement MANY times since I was a child. And get this shit, it was always spoken by those "born again" religious(should I put this in quotations too? fuck it whatever) types.

:confused:

[froopy seal]

jesus was gay anyway http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8523538.stmThat photograph of Sir Elton John made me shiver involuntarily.

[Andrea]

Yes, I'm writing a stage play. Thank god you got something right.

Funny thing happened the other day when speaking to a certain artist. Conversation when like this:

(?): Really? You'd write that?

j: Oh hell yeah, I'd just lay back and let it write itself on out.

(?): But I wanted to be the one who writes you.

j: Oh no, no, no. You're a decrepit old man, I'll do the writing here. Then maybe you'll have a heart attack and I can take some of your memorabilia home.

(?) I guess that's kinda sweet. Which would be your favorite memorabilia?

j: Which ever gets the most on eBay, of course. WTF? What are you drinking tonight?

...may I? :)



(?): Really? You'd write that?

j: Oh hell yeah, I'd just lay back and let it write itself on out.

(?): But I wanted to be the one who writes you.

j: Oh no, no, no. You're a decrepit old man, I'll do the writing here. Then maybe you'll have a heart attack and I can take some of your memorabilia home.

(?) I guess that's kinda sweet. Which would be your favorite memorabilia?

j: Which ever gets the most on eBay, of course. WTF? What are you drinking tonight?

(?) milk

j: oh, give me a break!

(?) break?! please, no break!

j: what??!?

(?) no break

j: oh God, just drink you milk and shut up!

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

:confused:

Have you taken your meds today?

[Andrea]

Oh, it´s worse...no meds, no drugs, not even a small drink and ordinary 9 to 5 and hobbies like flying and making 18th century clothes and painting.
(love painting and photo myspace.com/andrea_sweden)

Honestly I´m a very odd fish but you can call me stupid or..... I don´t know...:)

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

GREAT WORKS! KITTY!(I'm a sucker for anniememals!)

Looking for pictures of your clothing designs . . . :mad: :D

[Andrea]

ok... :D
http://c4.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/132/l_428cc519fac048beb35980029700c0f3.jpg

http://c4.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/144/l_9c29783204fc4c25b47f5488e59259d7.jpg

...and when I have more time to spare I´m going to paint this with Karl´s running technique :)

http://c1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/148/l_6fc54fe149cd4983a1df3326f6e15be8.jpg

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

Would it be too much to ask to paint his face innit too?





NOOOO! I mean, in drag. He's funny when he puts on a dress.

[Andrea]

ha..ha.. like this one?
http://c1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/126/l_ce722522911044499dc5c9fa7dac4af8.jpg

Just kidding...my idea was actually to paint a picture like this on my "own water painting" one day. I´m looking for a better motif, though. I want him cute, you know...:D

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

Act 19 - Jesus' Shrink Wants To Place Him On Court Ordered Meds

Jesus (lying on shrinks couch): I recently read a book on S&M and cannot figure out if I'm sadist or masichist.

Shrink: Are you hanging out with gay people? Again?

Jesus: No, this one's not even gay. But I'm confused about which part of the S&M game I'm to play. I mean, what does it mean if I pretend to enjoy getting fucked, and I don't mean in the sexual sense. You see, politicians and the religious leaders who who have sex, in all the wrong ways they say they're against, apparently have God's son by the balls too, because they say that's the way it is. Anyways, I really don't like getting fucked with, but there's a bit of pleasure knowing they will be tortured, ya know, later. But not by me, so I guess I'm not really the masicist either, no?

Shrink: I'm going to place you on meds.

Jesus: But I don't need meds, what if I refuse?

Shrink: It will be court ordered. You see, here on earth, we're God. That's just the way it is.

Jesus - :|

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

alright.

REEEEworking the title. Again.

Jesus Returns: Watch Christians Terrorized the F*ck Outta Him.

Do you think that's too brash? Critique's* welcome!!

*****


Oh, and the past participle error is/was intentional. I'm being, like, artsy.

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

Chapter Something: Jesus Goes All Conservative On His Students


Jesus: So, ya see kids, the men over there didn't have the little blue pills your Dad uses, so they had to cut off their horns for better erectile disfunction remedies. Now, all the rhinos are dead and gone and they're never coming back again. Ever.

Children: Blank faced.

Jesus: K, now it's my smoke break and your recess time. Don't anyone beat anyone up today.